dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
