I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
