Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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