I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
