the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
