not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
