I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
