eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
