Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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