apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
