You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
