she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
