Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize