Four minutes until I can fart!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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