my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
last night I used snow as a chaser
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
