dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
