i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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