Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
