i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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