the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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