Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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