Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
