I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I will be naked everywhere
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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