I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
