Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
