When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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