something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
And then he peed in my hair
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