he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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