I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
