the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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