Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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