You can't special order awesome
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
