I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
