The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
