I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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