Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
