Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am one with the molecules
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize