i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
