my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
