I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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