i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
