Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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