Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
