First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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