Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize