I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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