I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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