hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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