let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
