What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
