thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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