Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
