can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
