Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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