If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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