to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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