hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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