RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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