I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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