I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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