How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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