I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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