the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize