i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
