I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
