I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
