he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
