Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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