The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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