You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
