Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My feet surprised me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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