thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
