in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
