and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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