Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
