I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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