Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm always down for nudity.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
