brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
