I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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