I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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