also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I know her cup size but not her name....
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