dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
